well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
