ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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