I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
