I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
No subtext here. People are naked.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
