He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
