you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She's the barista slut.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
