who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
