i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
