I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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