Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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