Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
