Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
