At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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