My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
