awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
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