I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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