His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
