He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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