Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
