not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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