Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
