We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I think a kid would responsible me up
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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