Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
