We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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