I cockslap morals
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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