my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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