Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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