You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
