just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
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