no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
