i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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