JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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