He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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