Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
