okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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