and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
