I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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