The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
not ubering you a puppy
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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