At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
