I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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