Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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