In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
