fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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