Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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