You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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