he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
