Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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