I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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