im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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