You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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